The last child has graduated. The house is...quieter. You've spent the last 18+ years raising children, and now you're an empty nester.

What now?

If you're feeling a mix of emotions – pride, sadness, maybe even a little bit of "now what?" – you're not alone. It's a significant transition, but it's also an incredible opportunity.

An opportunity for adventure, self-discovery, and a chance to redefine what life looks like in this new chapter.

I recently returned from an adventure that taught me a ton about myself, about connection, and about embracing the journey, wherever it may lead. Last week, I walked a portion of the Camino de Santiago, specifically the Camino Portuguese, a pilgrimage route across the North/West part of Spain. Some people walk for religious reasons, some for spiritual reasons, some just to see if they can. For me, it was partly spiritual and partly to see if I could walk several days straight, but mostly, it was about stepping outside my comfort zone and seeing what I could learn about myself and others. And, I was walking with friends...sort of. I left Boston with 5 people I'd only known for 18 months and 1 person I didn't know until I got to our departure gate!

Let me tell you, travel – especially challenging travel like heading to a foreign country – is a fast track to getting to know people pretty well.

The First Step: Embracing the Unknown

My journal entry from Day 1 captures the feeling: "Day one was a whirlwind. Breakfast at the hotel starts at 800a which was amazing here on Day 1 because sleep was SO needed from the long day of travel and exploring Vigo the day prior." Even simple things like breakfast were an experience. We met people from all over the world – Canada, Germany, Alaska, Connecticut. Everyone with a story, everyone on their own journey.

This experience reminded me of what psychologists call "social comparison." When we're in new situations, we naturally look to others to gauge our own experiences and feelings. For example, when it was raining for most of the start of our journey people naturally look at others to develop their own experiences and feelings – if others were struggling, then people might also feel as if they were struggling, too. However, meeting people from different backgrounds on the Camino or elsewhere can broaden our perspectives and challenge our assumptions about ourselves and the world. (Source: psychologytoday.com)

Slowing Down and Finding Your Pace

One of the big lessons from day one was slowing down. I wrote in my journal, "As we approached an intersection there was a sign pointing up to a cafe and a man was coming down the hill and said there were 15 people in line - don’t waste your time. Our fast past US brains kicked in and we started to walk away until my friend Renae said 'what's the rush...we have all day to go 3 miles'...such a smart move and a good reminder to slow down in our lives and let me tell you it was worth it!"

It's so easy to get caught up in the rush of daily life, especially as empty nesters trying to fill our time. But sometimes, the best thing we can do is just...breathe. This applies to all areas of our life, not just when we are walking across Spain!

Reflection is also an important part of any journey we’re on…whether it be life or a trip like the Camino.

Crumb and Cookie: A Daily Practice of Gratitude

Each evening at dinner, we started a tradition of "crumb and cookie," which I absolutely loved! At the end of each day, we'd share a "crumb" – something not so great – and a "cookie" – something amazing. It’s a great practice for gratitude and resilience. My cookie that day wasn't the amazing views from the cafe, but rather I wrote in my journal, "the cookie was getting to know these people, these new friends of mine just a little better."

As mentioned in a Harvard Medical School blog post, “Focusing on the positive aspects of our day, even when things are tough, is a key strategy for improving mental well-being. Studies show that practicing gratitude can increase happiness and reduce stress.” (Source: Harvard Medical School - https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier)

This is a great habit to add to your every day and is a perfect way to reflect on your life.

Unexpected Connections and Overcoming Challenges

As we began the second day of our journey, we quickly learned how unexpected connections, including a reminder that even hard things can be rewarding, surfaced. I wrote in my journal, "As we started our journey, words from the lead guide from the group we had just met popped back into my head.....'Today is a very hard 5 hours.' At the time when he said it to us I dismissed it as no big deal. Our group hikes regularly. We put in the miles and do the work. But alas, little did I know how much foreshadowing had happened at breakfast just an hour earlier."

Let me tell you it WAS hard! But along the way, we met so many interesting people. I continued, "This walk is truly a melting pot of all different humans looking to find their way, to lighten their load, and to leave behind unspoken burdens." You never speak to someone for more than 5 to 15 minutes on this journey, but you always leave the conversation a little better for having met them." The Camino seems to have this way of attracting people who are ready for a change.

Discovering Your Superpowers and the Gifts of Others

By day three, I started to realize this trip was as much about self-discovery as it was about the scenery. I wrote, "Each of us on this trip have unique gifts that make us who we are and also make us part of a whole." Here is what I learned about the people with whom I was making this journey:

Trish: The Captain of our Not Dead Yet Crew. She came into my life to remind me that gratitude should be an important part of our lives. Not just once in a while but every single day -- that's her super power.
David: The medic of our crew. He came into my life to remind me to just be me -- no walls, no filters, and no hiding what I most love in life. His superpower is being apologetically himself and having a passion for life and love for the people in it.
Renae: Our crew’s free spirit. She came into my life to remind me that I could stand to be less of a people pleaser and more of a not putting up with the bullshit that often plaques our lives -- that's her super power.
Sue: The newest member of the crew – the one I just met at the gate in Logan. She came into my life to remind me that it's not a bad thing to say what's on my mind because otherwise how would anyone really know what I'm thinking -- that's her super power.
Mary: The Master Chief's Chief. She came into my life to remind me that we can always do new things and try new experiences no matter when we start in life and that being on the edge can be a really good thing -- that's her super power.
Rich: Our Master Chief and Chief Navigator. He came into my life to remind me that it's really good to listen way more than I speak so that when I do say something people listen and take notice.

These journal entries highlight the importance of self-awareness and recognizing our strengths and weaknesses. As empty nesters, we have a unique opportunity to redefine ourselves and explore new passions. Understanding our gifts – and the gifts of those around us – can help us create a more fulfilling life.

Mindfulness and the Art of "Smelling the Roses"

So much learning happened in the first three days, and days four and five did not disappoint either. Day four was all about slowing down and appreciating the moment. I wrote, "Somewhere between the raindrops of the first three days and the pangs of FOMO and working to stay with the group I had somehow lost sight of my superpower as noted by my friend Trish:

‘When you have a dream, you make it happen, and along the way, stopping to smell the roses is the best part of the journey.'"

So, it was time to make my own way. As we entered Padrón, with no more than a mile to go to the hotel, we left a farm field and started waking along the Sar River, and as I made that turn, I received a sign to stop -- well, it was a sign from my stomach because I was pretty hungry at this point having not eaten since breakfast – I stopped, sat on a rock, and enjoyed the lunch I had packed – a sandwich made at breakfast, two tangerines, and a cookie from the previous nights’ hotel.

Why was this important? Mindfulness, the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgment, is a powerful tool for reducing stress and enhancing well-being. Taking time to savor a meal, appreciate the beauty of nature, or simply breathe deeply can help us reconnect with ourselves and find joy in the everyday.

The Journey Never Truly Ends

Now it was Day 5, the final day, and the weight of the journey, the people I walked with, hit me. I wrote, "When I think about the last few days with this crew -- my Not Dead Yet peeps -- and also the people we've met along the way I'm just awestruck with what humans can accomplish when they have a final destination in mind."

Let me tell you, The Camino is an arduous journey. But it is also an incredible journey filled with highlights and lowlights where you learn as much about others as you do about yourself, and in the end, it's necessary for us to let go and move on to make space in our lives for the next great adventure.

What's Your Camino?

It doesn’t have to be an epic walk, but what's the adventure that's calling to you now that you're an empty nester?

Maybe it's a physical journey like the Camino de Santiago, maybe it's a new hobby, a new career, or a deeper exploration of your own inner landscape. Whatever it is, I encourage you to take that first step.

Ready to create adventure in your empty nest life?

Book an Empty Nest Clarity Call with me today and let's explore the possibilities!

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